We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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