You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
