no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
