Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
