don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
