this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
