i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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