i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
