when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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