wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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