He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
