I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize