This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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