life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
