I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
