I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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