My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
