Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
