and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
3 2 1 whiskey
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
