Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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