So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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