you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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