I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
