This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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