I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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