I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
