remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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