My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
