ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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