I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
