So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is Oprah even human
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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