I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
