you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
