handjob tips. give me some.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
