i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
