She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
