I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
