just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
