apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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