need another drink. this is the easiest way
Small penises have feelings too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
