i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
