I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
