I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
