i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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