Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
