'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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