I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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