Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
