I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
