My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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