So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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