I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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